The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.

I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.

Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.