Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.

If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day she disappeared, she had gone on her computer, and the last website she ever visited was an online map of the park where her body was found. That's true. I just hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.