I really respect peple who try. People who say, No, I'm actually going to do the best I can. That said, you want to do the best you can while remaining who you are.

Basically Britney Spears' video is like a three an a half minute version of Glitter.

I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time's gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.

There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If you're starting your own business, don't even talk to me. But If you need to know who the lead singer of Kajagoogoo is, I'm your guy. His name is Limahl, by the way.

I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.

I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.

There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that.