Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.

I love you above all things, even pie.

You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems.

Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy

Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.

The pursuit of material gain is ultimately empty when measured against eternity.

Abby: I could be a slave to your darkest desires. I can do things. Anything you want. Tommy: Well, that's terrific, because we have a lot of laundry piled up and the apartment is a wreck. Abby: Anything you desire, my lord. I can do laundry, clean, bring you small creatures to quench your thirst until I am worthy.