In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live.

I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

Wine buffs write and talk as though the food and wine will be in your mouth at the same time, that one is there to be poured over the other. This is bullshit. Gustatory enjoyment comes from food and wine and cigars of your liking. So far no one has said that a Monte Cristo is the only cigar to smoke after Armagnac, Romeo and Juliet after Calvados ... but the time may yet come.