The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

What I love about comedians is their instinct is always to go against the grain. Their whole existence is pointing out the elephant in the room. Already you can see audiences are pushing back, but we're the ones who really can take it more than anybody.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

My name has zero value.