The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

New York Stat agreed to pay $12 million to settle a lawsuit filed three decades ago by inmates swept up in the bloody 1971 revolt at Attica prison. The settlement will be paid in the form of chocolate bars and packs of Newports that can be picked up in the commissary.

What I love about comedians is their instinct is always to go against the grain. Their whole existence is pointing out the elephant in the room. Already you can see audiences are pushing back, but we're the ones who really can take it more than anybody.