Hell, when I was growing up, I could make a meal out of a package of Top Ramen and a bottle of Windex.

I'm the ghetto Martha Stewart, the black Rachel Ray.

They say I need to learn, but nobody's here to teach me. If they don't understand, how can they reach me?

Everything I cook tastes better than yo' momma's nipples.

Seriously, if someone don't like this appetizer, you gotta grab they scruffy ass by the back of their neck and throw them out on the lawn. I can't help people like that.

If you've got beef, then eat a porkchop

I see ya waiting for the bus early in the morn', brick house with a face like Lena Horne.