The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted.

If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think Britain.

Great, as long as you're happy

It's tricky turning a book into a movie. Sometimes people love the book so much that no adaptation lives up to what they imagined. You can avoid that disappointment by never, ever reading books.

By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!

I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.

From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?