The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

I think that everything looks a little scarier at night, when the sun goes down. And I know I kind of want a sense of reassurance or a community. Late-night shows is a rare place because that's what we do. Increasingly, I felt like I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't want to do that. It wasn't the only reason that I stopped doing it, but it was a consideration - I didn't know how to process tragedy after tragedy and then ... it just got too much, I think.

You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then it ends, and it's like it never happened? That's like life.

I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.

I have a beard. Just not on my face.