The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.

Sarah Palin. Remember Sarah Palin? She is adorable. She is back on the campaign trail. Really. She's going to campaign in the Senate runoff in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is.

I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.

It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.

You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then it ends, and it's like it never happened? That's like life.

Fat is where comedy is stored.