It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.
Craig FergusonA lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.
Craig FergusonWell, everyone, welcome to Shark Week. Oh that's on CBS and there's been a lot of cutbacks, so it's just Friday night for a couple of minutes. And we don't have any sharks, just an immigrant with a puppet. Hey, but it's a start!
Craig FergusonThe Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies. Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.
Craig Ferguson