Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.

School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic—I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit.

I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.

A lot of the U.S. used to be part of Mexico, including Arizona. But they're a bit touchy about that right now.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.