Fat is where comedy is stored.

I don't get emails from my corporate overlords.

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.

For a while, some schools across the country were banning spelling bees. For obvious reasons, of course - steroids

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.

I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.