Fat is where comedy is stored.

Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden.

There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.

I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.

The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It's difficult to tell.

A lot of people in their 30's get nostalgic for their teen years. Then they get jobs in TV, become bitter and jaded and prematurely old. Then they turn their nostalgia into great television.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.