Fat is where comedy is stored.

There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.

In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To deny Social Security benefits to Nazis. So from now on, no SS for the SS.

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn't figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.

The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate deeper like, you know - things and stuff.

I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.