I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

From 1934 to 1963, the biggest criminals in America ended up on Alcatraz. Nowadays they end up on Wall Street.

I wanted to be a rock star.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.