A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.

I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.

Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

I'm always a bit shy around evil people.