I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.

After all this time I found that the novel is in fact punk rock.