I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

I have a beard. Just not on my face.

Don't protest outside of a rich man's house in the daytime, you'll just scare the maid, and that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job.

If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.

I don't drink anymore for Cinco de Mayo. I celebrate with Mexican food, or as it's known in Mexico: 'food.'

Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.

Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.