There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.

People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet.

Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White House because I'm not an American.' And then Prince William said, 'Yeah, me too.'

That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.