There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.

If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!

My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and ... go at them.

I can't wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the one that Obama likes is where Biden pretends to have food poisoning and they cancel the debate.

I have a beard. Just not on my face.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.