You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

The Afghan government is as corrupt as a prostitute with a law degree.

Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.

In the past I've been hard on the vegans. I've called them Prius-driving fascists, but now I am one of them. I have been turned to the dark side.

Fat is where comedy is stored.

I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.