You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!

I think we look back at times past with fondness because we were younger. Life had not yet begun pecking away at our innocence like buzzards on fresh road kill.

Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.

In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday, Mardi Gras, where men give women beads in the respectful and post-feminist desire to see their naked boobies.

I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.