Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.
Craig FergusonAnyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.
Craig FergusonHistorically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'
Craig FergusonIf we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.
Craig Ferguson