New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.

Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me now?"

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.

If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.