What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.

Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.

I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.

Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.