I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.

Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.

I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."