These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer.

If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think Britain.

North Korea announced that they have nuclear weapons and they have no plans to give them up. The White House, acting quickly, announced their plan to invade Iran.

I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.

Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.