These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing me.

The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it.