I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.

A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.

According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.

I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving.