From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.

Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.

If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think Britain.

Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?