When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me now?"

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.

I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.

Time is only linear for engineers and referees.

A new study says by 2030 household robots will dominate every phase of our lives. The study says the No. 1 field for robot growth is medicine. That makes sense. Robots already perform well in surgery. That is, until there is a power outage. Then it's just a coat rack leaning over you as you bleed to death.