When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.

There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and he could find water with that, which is a very impressive skill in a country where it rains 365 days of the year.

The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies. Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.