Oh Satan you're a wily one.

Sometimes, in order to follow one's heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I'm not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.

You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.

For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.

A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.