Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.

There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.

A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.