That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

If you don't vote, you're a moron.

I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars.

Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer.

Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.

Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!