Why don't they allow professional wrestling at the Olympics? They allow pro basketball players and hockey players. Olympic pro wrestling would be awesome. The team from Mexico could wear those Mr. X masks. The French wrestler could hit his opponent with a baguette. Or perhaps just surrender.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

If you can't trust, you can't be trustworthy.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining the sanctity of marriage, it's celebrities.

You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then it ends, and it's like it never happened? That's like life.