There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.
Craig FergusonThere's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.
Craig FergusonBP CEO Tony Hayward said recently, 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony, I'm so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that too and make me clean it up.
Craig FergusonAnother one of President Barack Obama's nominees is having tax issues, which proves one thing: The Democrats like raising the taxes, but they hate paying them.
Craig FergusonYou know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time.
Craig Ferguson