Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."

I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.

I don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway.

The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can't do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.