Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.

I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.

Stand by your bed and salute me.

I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing me.

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.