That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.

I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars.

I'm careful with money.

I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

I don't drink anymore for Cinco de Mayo. I celebrate with Mexican food, or as it's known in Mexico: 'food.'

Stand by your bed and salute me.