For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.

From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.

Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer.

A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.