For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.

I only like sports that Bond villains played.

Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.

Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

I realized women and humor were linked very closely.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.