I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.

Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.

Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.

I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.

I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it

She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.