I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.

You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.

...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me now?"

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.