If you don't vote, you're a moron.

That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.

Former president George W. Bush released his new memoir. By the way, 'memoir' is just a fancy word for 'a bunch of stuff that happened to me.

Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera doesn't it?

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

I don't drink anymore for Cinco de Mayo. I celebrate with Mexican food, or as it's known in Mexico: 'food.'

Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.