That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

Pies were invented 12,000 years ago by the Egyptians. It was an easy way to preserve food that would be carried over long distances. They were like ancient Slim Jims.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.

If you don't vote, you're a moron.

When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him.

There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.