Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.

Even though it's warm here in L.A., people still have to wear layers - at least until their plastic surgery heals.

If you don't vote, you're a moron.

The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.

Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled.