The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.

That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.

Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with the spill because the Dutch have the world's best dikes. So let me get this straight. It is OK to cover lesbians in oil but you just can't let them get married.

Here in Los Angeles, school's out for summer. For thousands of school kids, this is the first week of summer vacation. And for thousands of parents, it's the first week of hell.

I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.