It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.

Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.

Whoever I had become had to die.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.