People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.

A lot of the U.S. used to be part of Mexico, including Arizona. But they're a bit touchy about that right now.

I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.

People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.

There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.

If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.

I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.