Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the French love cinema, but because they love to judge.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

The virus in the movie 'Contagion' is based on the bird flu which came out of nowhere back in 2008. Everyone thought it was going to change the way we live and it just faded away. Wait a minute, I'm talking about President Obama.