President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'

Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.

As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

The places I've worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on.

Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress.