President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.

I don't do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.

George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17

You may have heard this, that NASA discovered water on Mars When he heard about the water on Mars, President Bush said, 'Is it regular or unleaded?'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.