I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'

Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place.

Singer Boy Dylan was stopped at his own sow by security guards who failed to recognize the singer. Asked to comment, Dylan replied, 'I can hardly blame them. Look at me.'

Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News.