In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'

Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.

I pride myself on being down-to-earth. I’m from the Midwest. People who go into show business are screwed up. I romanticized about having a serene life.

Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies.

I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.

Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.