In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?

Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight.

While there's no 'I' in team, there's also no 'you', okay? So back off.

John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.

President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.