Tom Ridge now says we don't have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.

Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies.

California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'

As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.