Tom Ridge now says we don't have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.

I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.

John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit.