Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'

Tom Ridge now says we don't have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.

I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

I don't do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.

Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek.

Hillary Clinton has finished writing her book where she says her marriage couldn't be stronger, and Bill just finished his book titled 'Chicks I Nailed While Hillary was Writing Her Book.'

If loving you is wrong, then I'll just like you a whole bunch!