You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself.

Wearing makeup is an apology for our actual faces.

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

You love somebody, and then you don't love them anymore. But if you really love somebody, you always love them, don't you? Isn't there always some small part of you that reads their horoscope in the paper everyday?

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.