success in L.A. is completely arbitrary. One day you're the brilliant genius of life, the next day people act like there's a bad smell when you approach. Lots of expensive, late-model cars are offered in the L.A. Times every day by people who have suddenly begun to smell bad. The stakes are just too high for human dignity.

With dogs, you don't need gurus. Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love.

Possessions, for the terminally frightened, bring peace of mind.

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.

Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.

Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents.