Please, O ye Lord, keep Jim Bakker behind bars.

You know, Elizabeth Taylor must be in Heaven going, 'Alright, fire two honey!'

I'm a friend of the CEO of Twitter and he showed me how to be on it, but it causes such an uproar if what you post is perceived in a negative light.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

My Obama is getting pretty good ... I think I'll vote for whoever makes my portrayal easier. It takes time to put together a comic impression. It takes time to recognize the tics. Right now, for instance, I could do a dead- on Paul Ryan and people wouldn't recognize it. Personalities take a while to sin.

I have no regrets. I wanted to raise the kids and be a present father. When I developed a movie, I was gone for a year. That didn't really work for me. That isn't fair to make these life-forms and then disappear.

While many comics have a secret persona, I fundamentally want to be myself.