Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.

I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.

A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!

Onstage, it's all just a heightened and more elaborate version of me. When you're standing onstage, your adrenaline is going, your enthusiasm is at full tilt, and the excitement helps elevate you're attitude. I've always wanted to be as close to myself offstage, being funny with my buddies, and that's what I've worked hard on - being authentic to who I really am.

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.