You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.

If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.

I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.

It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance.

Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.

If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.