You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.

Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.

Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.

I want to be able to challenge myself. And do things that are away from what I usually do. Stand-up is safe for me. I can do stand-up in front of twenty-five thousand people, and I'm like, "I know how to do this. This is what I do." I want to be a little scared.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."