You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.

Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny.

If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

I'm watching some television tonight. I'm watching The Discovery Channel. You know, this channel, you never ever plan on watching this. It just happens. You're flickin' around, all of a sudden - boom - you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.